Got this email a week or two ago. Slightly edited to protect a good VAR who is also in the process of getting screwed by Autodesk. At least Autodesk is an equal opportunity screwer and if you are not inside certain C suites you are fair game.
Dear Dave Ault,
This is a reminder that your maintenance plan on Contract # 110000000000 will expire on December 15, 2017. Your renewal number is A-5000000.
You now have the option to renew your contract for one year or switch to a subscription*. If you choose to switch to subscription (only available at the time of renewal), you can start to enjoy these subscriber benefits:
* Latest and greatest product capabilities – Get ongoing updates to products and services and new functionality, as soon as they’re available.
* New and improved support – Enjoy faster response times and the option to receive help by scheduling a call with Autodesk technical support specialists.
* Simplified administration – Access tools that streamline deployment and software management when you standardize all of your Autodesk products on subscription.
Your reseller, (Insert name of VAR also getting screwed here).
For more information, go to Autodesk Account.
*Not all products on a maintenance plan are eligible to switch to subscription. Consult with your reseller for complete details.
As you can imagine I thought about writing a notice for them.
Dear Autodesk and Andrew Anagnost,
This is a reminder that this customer on maintenance customer on contract #11000000000 will not be sending you any more money after December 15, 2017.
Your contract dismissal letter number is A-5000000. You have no options available to renew this contract except to end subscriptions only.
If you choose to end subscriptions and huge yearly price hikes you will enjoy these benefits:
I will pay you this year.
I will pay you next year.
I will pay you the year after that too.
*All products on a maintenance plan are required to be continued and supported yearly. Contact your customer for pro-rated income to you if they are not.
There is no doubt in any rational persons mind that PR and Marketing people have an absurdly tenuous grasp on reality as it concerns their customers or target markets. How do you like that list of benefits as extolled in words that no customer could POSSIBLY resist! I told my wife to hide the check book before I succumbed to the siren song of Marketing and PR droids sweetly singing in my ear and sent another years fees off. This list of benefits is about as worthy of consideration as a CNN book on “The Honesty of Bill and Hillary Clinton”. Or perhaps Hillary’s new forthcoming book on “Stopping The Culture of Sexual Harassment In Government”. Or Al Franken’s soon to be released “How To Be Admired By Wimminck!” Or Huma Abedin’s book on “Care And Cleaning of (S)hag Carpets”.
Have a MAGA GREAT Thanksgiving everyone and remember the things that made this the greatest nation the world has ever seen in such a short period of time. Teach your children the truth about America before liberal idiots get to them and pass this legacy of freedom and prosperity on to the future.
Written before Thanksgiving obviously but I decided to post as is with this notation because the sentence before this one is useful year round. Talk to your children and grandchildren to prepare them for the liberal liars that will accost them at every turn.